When my dear friend Evelt was dying from pancreatic cancer, she told me that she wasn't ready to die. That she wasn't sure if she had fulfilled her life’s purpose.
When I asked her what she thought her purpose was, she confessed that she wasn't sure, but she felt like she was "not done".
This made my heart break for her. I wanted to comfort her. To try to decipher for her her life's meaning.
To assure her that, no matter what we think, God calls us back when we have achieved His purpose.
I am reminded of this conversation this week, as we mark Mike’s 2nd birthday since he passed away. He would have been 55 years old if he were still with us.
This week also marks five years since the death of my big brother ("Kuya") Melvin.
So much remembrance this week of such beloved men. Such a weight on my soul, these combined losses, that I am finding myself endeavoring to hold them lightly in remembrance.
And as I do so, I think about their legacies.
What did they leave behind for us?
What has lived a life of its own well beyond Mike’s mortality, or Melvin’s?
Their children, surely. But what else?
Did they fulfill their life’s purpose?
As I myself have felt like a wanderer in my own life these last few years since a great big career change, followed by the death of my spouse, I have extended these thoughts towards my own purpose in life.
Does anyone really know what their purpose is?
Most of us are not major players in politics, philanthropy, innovation, or philosophy to make any great impact on society, the world economy, technology, or environmental health. Some of us may scratch the surface, but barely.
So what’s the point, really? And do we really know?
Are we here simply to get on a hamster wheel, be productive, endeavor to amass riches? And for what? We cannot take them with us when we are gone from this earth.
Or are we meant to live life on the edge, cannonballing through it, defying the rules, and crying, “YOLO!” (You only live once!)?
Neither seems quite right.
I think only God knows.
And I have come to appreciate that, lacking omniscience, I have a myopic view of my existence.
How my life touches others, I have no real clue.
But I think that God has designed our lives to touch and intersect. To weave, sometimes, and to lightly graze at others.
I think that we all make an impact, and mostly in very small, very subtle ways. And maybe these little ways ripple out over time to create larger ripples… and perhaps that impact is not even known to this world until long after we are gone.
Maybe our greatest impact in this life is determined by the quality of our interactions with each other and the world around us.
Perhaps we need not seek assurance that we are making an impact because maybe, just maybe, we are not meant to know. Not in this life, anyway.
Perhaps all we need is to do our best. To be our kindest. Our most considerate.
To exemplify grace, as we are able. For others, as much as for ourselves.
I find these things easier to digest, although not necessarily easy to live out.
And thinking on these things is certainly much simpler than trying to determine my life’s purpose from my myopic point of view.
Which brings be back to Mike, and my Kuya Melvin. And yes, Evelt.
And I think back on all the things these individuals had been to me. The things they taught me about love and friendship. And life.
And I think, perhaps, that was part of their purpose:
To teach, and sometimes to be taught. To partake in experiences. To bring comfort, joy, and sometimes, even to provoke tears. To be a help, or the one being helped.
Maybe we can think of our purpose here as simply “to share our life with others”. And perhaps, by knowing this, we can be more intentional in the way that we do.
As for our "real" purpose? I think we probably ought to get comfortable with never knowing.
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